quote of the day

"courage is grace under pressure" - ernest hemingway

i am having the best time at camp cedar falls for preparation for eternity: the issues of life.
the messages are such a blessing and an eye-opener.

oh, the beauty of music

i know i just posted but
the power of music is tremendous.

i love marvin and derrick's rendition of what a friend we have in Jesus
it had me in tears--which is a good thing
kinda.

What a friend we have in Jesus, All our sins and griefs to bear! What a priviledge to carry Ev'rything to God in prayer! Oh, what peace we often forfeit, Oh what needless pain we bear, All because we do not carry Ev'rything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged, Take it to the Lord in prayer: Can we find a friend so faithful Who will all our sorrows share? Jesus Knows our every weakness, Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, Cumbered with a load of care? Precious Saviour, still our refuge; Take it to the Lord in prayer: Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer; In His arms He'll take and shield thee; Thou wilt find a solace there.

save a turkey, eat tofurkey

what a restful day.

it was great until i made the mistake of watching grey's anatomy.
i am now intrigued and bummed.
that show makes you real eager to learn and emo.

at least i'm eager to learn..
that should keep me busy these next three weeks.

can you whisper

anatomy blows.
blows like a fierce wind.
which knocks me over
face first
into the hard ground.

ahhhhhh.
i was actually studying last night
and there's so much stuff! =[

so please don't lose your confidence in me.

catharsis isn't always good, right?
that's what my psych book said.

i'm kind of missing last school year.

i wish i wasn't so fragile
'cause i know that i'm not easy to handle

No Escuela

So this week is Thanksgiving Break and I have no school!
Sounds great, right?
Nope.
I may have no classes, but I still have a huge amount of schoolwork and studying to do!
Basically, it's like I'm in school. Just without CABL run as well.
I also have the same distractions that keep me from doing my school work and studying, such as but not limited to:
MySpace, Facebook, YouTube, NAPS...

Things to Do:

• Study for A & P Cumulative Lecture Exam and Lab Practical: Learn all the muscles ever created
• Spanish Food Log, Journal, Church Report, Video, and Extra Credit
• Nursing Club constitution
• Clean room
• Vacuum house
• Practice piano: polish Arabesque
• Attempt to practice organ

At least I can sleep in.
Whoop-de-doo.

Blessing

I picked up my Bible this morning for devotion and I turned randomly and I came across Psalms 116. Oh my, just what I needed!

I love the Lord because He hath heard my voice and my supplications.
Because He hath inclined His ear unto me, therefore will I call upon Him as long as I live.
The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow.
Then called I upon the name of the Lord; O Lord, I beseech thee, deliver my soul.
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful.
The Lord preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.
Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee.
For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.
I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.
I believed, therefore have I spoken: I was greatly afflicted:
I said in my haste, All men are liars.
What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits toward me?
I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the Lord.
I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence of all his people.
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.

Psalms 116: 1-15

That's not the whole chapter, but yeah...it was pretty awesome coming across that because that's just what I had been feeling for awhile..


Here's another quote that I came across that I just want to post up so I can remember it:
"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth." - Benjamin Disraeli

Bright Blue

I didn't realize how bright my blue background is until just now, when I checked my blog. Maybe Rory (a Macbook -- Mac pride!) is just that good.

Anyways...
I'm overwhelmed.

I was looking over Vanessa's Nursing binder today, and I didn't realize how much stuff...and...stuff...Nursing School entails. (I can't find a better word than stuff right now.)

These are the things that are freaking me out right now about Nursing School:

• a 95% is an A
• I don't know if I will graduate on time -- June 2010
• my recommendations
• TEAS
• Med School

That's right, Med School. That idea has never left me. I won't change my major again; I'm going to finish Nursing. But now, I'm thinking about going to Med School. I want to be a doctor and I'm not sure why. I just have a feeling in me that wants to be a doctor, that wants to go to med school. One can't trust their feelings and shouldn't base a decision solely on feelings so that's why I'm not sure. Ahhhh.

I have a lot of things to do besides that so maybe I should put those aside, and start worrying about them when Fall Quarter finals are over. I have to start my application process for LLUSN (Loma Linda University School of Nursing) by January 2008 because it's due at the of March 2008, so I have a few months to not worry about them and worry about LSU stuff.

List making looks fun right now, so here's my to-do-list for tonight =]

• pick up Bio lab notebooks
• finish the laundry
• OSA PIE FEED @ 6 P.M.! mmmmmm, foooooooood =]
• start studying for PSYC test
• PSYC application essay due tonight @ 11:59 P.M.
• start making flash cards for A & P: muscles and appendicular skeleton
• clean room (hah! like that's gonna happen...)

*sigh* This week is almost over! It's been so blaaaah and cloudy (not only in the skies). At least today had a good moment and a burst of sun: Dr. Joseph finally did the moonwalk in class!

Rock Climbing and Such..

I told the Lord (even though I don't really need to) to do all that He has to do in order that I may experience true conversion and give my heart fully to Him.

I wasn't expecting all of it to hit hard at once. More is probably on the way or these trials will grow bigger, but right now...I don't know what to do.

I remember my rock climbing story/analogy that I talked about last week during my testimony...

One Wednesday morning, I began to climb the course that had the chimney. It was really easy until I got to the edge of the chimney and couldn't figure out how to get inside and finish the climb. I moved left and right, up and down, and yet I couldn't get inside. I started looked back down at the ground and decided maybe I'll just climb it later after finding a better path. I called down that I was ready to lower, but then Coach came over and started yelling, "What are you doing?!" I responded with, "Uhh...I'm ready to come down.." and he looked at me and said, "Are you a quitter?!" I laughed and said, "Noooooo...I just can't get inside!" He was like, "Of course you can!" And I said, "Uh...no....I mean, I understand the concept and everything, but I just can't get in..." And he gave me another look...and then I felt a tug that pushed me up a few inches higher. I sighed and attempted to jump for a rock. It took me a couple times, but finally I grabbed hold of it and somehow, pulled myself up into the chimney and finished the climb.

I related this to our Christian experience and the trials that come with it. In the beginning, we're just on the ground -- we're in the world. And once we decide to give our heart and our life to Jesus, we start climbing that wall, up to Him. It seems easy at first, but then suddenly, we reach that obstacle, that trial, that tribulation. We try to move around it, we think of what we ourselves can do to get over it, but nothing seems to work. Then, looking back down at the ground, looking back down at the world...it seems like an easier place to be in. We think, "Oh, this wouldn't have happened to me if I were still in the world, if I were still on the ground." Falling seems like the best option to us. Slipping back into the way our lives used to be, lowering ourselves back onto the ground seems like a solution. But if we don't give up, if we just persevere and trust in God, He will give us that pull, that strength, that will help us finish that climb up to Him.

Nice, right? But right now, feeling all this hurt, feeling all the confusion, feeling like I just want to give up...I'm back to where I was that Wednesday -- staring at that chimney and not knowing what to do and where to find the strength to continue. But now, it's a bigger chimney, or a group of chimneys, for trials are just piling up in front of me. Ignoring them and pretending everything is okay are things I do...but they don't last for long.

All is piling up and more is on the way, and right now...I need that tug, that strength to continue on.

This World is Not My Home

this world is not my home
i'm just a-passing through
my treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue
the angels beckon me from heaven's open door
and i can't feel at home in this world anymore

oh Lord, You know i have no friend like You
if heaven's not my home,
then Lord what will i do?
the angels beckon me from heaven's open door
and i can't feel at home in this world anymore.

Testimony

"And Moses said unto the Lord, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue. And the Lord said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say." Exodus 4:10-12 KJV

That promise to Moses was made real to me today.

I gave a testimony tonight at the Rancho Cucamonga revival and by the grace of God, it went really well! At first, I was so unprepared. I had known about this for two weeks, but I didn't start actually preparing until a couple hours before the service. I practiced in front of the mirror, but it didn't go so well. I was stuttering and I thought I didn't make sense. When I got to the place, I was so nervous! Especially when I saw the time breakdown: 15 minutes! Such a long time!

I started added notes to my notecard and marking the verses and the passages I wanted to mention. When the program began, I prayed a couple times. Finally it was my turn. I opened with talking about the black-out at school and how it was so awesome. Then I prayed, and after I tried to find my notecard, but I couldn't find it! So I decided to just try my best and let the Lord bless (haha, that rhymes).

The Lord truly blessed! I got many laughs and I felt so energetic. It wasn't how I usually speak; the Lord was truly speaking through me. After the program, I got many comments on about how funny and great the testimony was and how I was cute up there and everythanng. Haha. But all the glory goes to God! I truly could not have done this without Him! He was seriously the one speaking through me.

Happy Sabbath!

Swamped

It's only the end of the second week of school and already I am so tired!

Don't get me wrong, I really like being busy. It's helping a lot right now. But it's so crazyyyy.

I'm taking less units than last year (last year I was at an overload each quarter!) but I have less free time.

Check it:
Psychology MTRF 9 A.M.
A & P 1 MTRF 10 A.M.
A & P Lab T 3-6 P.M.
Spanish MW 3-4:40 P.M.
Rock Climbing W 8-9:50 A.M.
Organ R 2-3 P.M.
Piano M 2-3 P.M.

and then...
G. Bio Lab TA meetings M 5 P.M.
G. Bio Lab TA W 12-3 P.M.
plus time grading quizzes and notebooks (15)

also...
Bible studies TW 7-9 P.M.

and there are also other responsibilities involving orientation leader and ministry stuff..

It wouldn't be so bad IF I knew how to manage my time wisely. But of course I don't, so my sleeping habits are like how they were last year around second-third quarters.

It also wouldn't be so bad if I actually studied. I'm behind in reading for all classes! And now I'm getting behind in grading for lab. So much for getting straight A's.

I gotta buckle down. I always think and say that but it never actually happens. I should really do something about that.

Happily Never After

...is a movie title I thought appropriate for today. I saw it at Target and the title caught my eye. Apparently, it was also created by the ones who created Shrek and Shrek 2.

The work load keeps building up. By the end of the year, my hair will be streaked with strands of white.

I have no time to wallow (The wallow definition I'm using is from Gilmore Girls).

Life goes on even though I want to take an hour to climb into bed, curl up and cry. This blog itself is taking precious time that I'll never get back. Alas, moving on is a necessity for it's the only way I'll be able to keep on surviving.

Time to discard it all.

I wonder how long it'll take people to realize that my usual answer of a smile and "I'm okay," is all fake.

But no worries. I'm going to be okay.

Organization

It's amazing to me how well I can organize many things, like Bible studies and such, and how it impresses people, like Mike who now has called me "Mike's Little Helper," and yet I can't seem to organize my life.

I cannot seem to organize my thoughts, my time, my rooms, my closet, my desk, etc.

So sad.

It's 1:16 A.M. I need to sleep so I can keep up with Justin or whoever tomorrow on the track.

A Change

I don't know how much good it will be to me in the future. Sometimes I feel like picking up the phone and saying "sorry, I didn't mean to say that.." But I was convicted during a prayer...so maybe I should just let it go. And let go.

I need to keep really busy. Starting now! Tomorrow, I'm going to try to do the CABL run for the whole two months because that's the only time I can work out. Soooo I better get to sleep now!

Anyways. Here's a passage that I came across again in Messages to Young People while trying to look for a quotation about self-denial:

"Trial will come to you. Thus the Lord polishes the roughness from your character. Do not murmur. You make the trial harder by repining. Honor God by cheerful submission. Patiently endure the pressure. Even though a wrong is done you, keep the love of God in the heart. 'Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it. The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and His ears are open unto their cry.'

'Beware of desperate steps; the darkest day, Wait but tomorrow, will have passed away.' 'In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.' Christ knows the strength of your temptations and the strength of your power to resist. His hand is always stretched out in pitying tenderness to every suffering child. To the tempted, discouraged one he says, Child for whom I suffered and died, cannot you trust Me? 'As thy days, so shall thy strength be.'...

'Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.' ...He will be to you as the shadow of a great rock in a weary land. He says, 'Come unto Me,...and I will give you rest'--rest that the world can neither give nor take away....

Words cannot describe the peace and joy possessed by him who takes God at His word. Trials do not disturb him, slights do not vex him. Self is crucified. Day by day duties may become more taxing, his temptations stronger, his trials more severe; but he does not falter; for he receives strength equal to his need."

--Youth's Instructor June 26, 1902

Aloha for Now

hello again to ordinary life
hello to mondays
hello responsibility

goodbye to every single thing i try to hide
bout a day ago, i bid you farewell
well, it's not fair at all

aloha for now
don't you ever think that i won't ever think of you
don't you dare to dream that i won't dare to dream of you
after all, it's just
aloha for now

Ignite 2007

Freshman Orientation was so AWESOME!

GO FRESH MANGOS, GROUP #17!

I am so missing right now.

I could go into more details but really, all I can say is that I loved it and I love being a family group leader! It was the best ever. Not only did I make new memories, but I made new friends.

To my FTW family: Thanks for your prayers this week. It really made a difference and the outcome was truly a blessing.

No bueno

"Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than me." Acts 5:29

Is this applicable to parents?

What if one feels compelled and convicted to do what she or he can to finish the work now, but a parent says "No" or "Not yet?"

Quandary.

My Life Story

Help! - HappySlip

This is exactly the reason why I can't seem to be able to clean my room.

I receive many clothes from my relatives, clothes that I don't even need. And when I try to give them away, my mom says the exact same things that the mom says...

Anxiety

I cannot sleep.

Every few seconds, a new item pops into my head that I need to buy before Friday. Moving in is fun and all, but it's really stressing me out right now. And then I'm thinking of how the room is going to be arranged and who could help me move the furniture if needed. Oh, and then I think about what I'm going to put into those drawers in the closet. I'm really going to miss my walk in closet. I'm also going to miss a brightly lit hallway late at night. Dude, I've been to that hall at night. It's scary. The exit sign flashes and it's like a scene out of a scary movie. That made me think about where I can get a pocket flashlight...

Anyways. Every moment is a blessing, but I truly received a blessing today! I'm such a lazy procrastinator so I was looking if there was a passage from Spirit of Prophecy that addresses that. I didn't find one that especially spoke out to me at the moment, so I left it alone. Then, I opened up my Bible and I recalled James 1:1-15 that I once memorized (*sigh I know the first half still, but I've forgotten the last half). After reading a few chapters, I picked up The Ministry of Healing and read a few things from it. I decided that I should really finish Messages to Young People before I start school, so I started reading it. There, I found a passage that really speaks out to me and it ties the things that I read from (The Ministry of Healing and James 1)all together!

"It is wrong to waste our time, wrong to waste our thoughts. We lose every moment that we devote to self-seeking. If every moment were valued, and rightly employed, we should have time for everything that we need to do for ourselves or for the world. In the expenditure of money, in the use of time, strength, opportunities, let every Christian look to God for guidance. 'If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.' James 1:5"
The Ministry of Healing p. 208