quote of the day

"courage is grace under pressure" - ernest hemingway

i am having the best time at camp cedar falls for preparation for eternity: the issues of life.
the messages are such a blessing and an eye-opener.

oh, the beauty of music

i know i just posted but
the power of music is tremendous.

i love marvin and derrick's rendition of what a friend we have in Jesus
it had me in tears--which is a good thing
kinda.

What a friend we have in Jesus, All our sins and griefs to bear! What a priviledge to carry Ev'rything to God in prayer! Oh, what peace we often forfeit, Oh what needless pain we bear, All because we do not carry Ev'rything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged, Take it to the Lord in prayer: Can we find a friend so faithful Who will all our sorrows share? Jesus Knows our every weakness, Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, Cumbered with a load of care? Precious Saviour, still our refuge; Take it to the Lord in prayer: Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer; In His arms He'll take and shield thee; Thou wilt find a solace there.

save a turkey, eat tofurkey

what a restful day.

it was great until i made the mistake of watching grey's anatomy.
i am now intrigued and bummed.
that show makes you real eager to learn and emo.

at least i'm eager to learn..
that should keep me busy these next three weeks.

can you whisper

anatomy blows.
blows like a fierce wind.
which knocks me over
face first
into the hard ground.

ahhhhhh.
i was actually studying last night
and there's so much stuff! =[

so please don't lose your confidence in me.

catharsis isn't always good, right?
that's what my psych book said.

i'm kind of missing last school year.

i wish i wasn't so fragile
'cause i know that i'm not easy to handle

No Escuela

So this week is Thanksgiving Break and I have no school!
Sounds great, right?
Nope.
I may have no classes, but I still have a huge amount of schoolwork and studying to do!
Basically, it's like I'm in school. Just without CABL run as well.
I also have the same distractions that keep me from doing my school work and studying, such as but not limited to:
MySpace, Facebook, YouTube, NAPS...

Things to Do:

• Study for A & P Cumulative Lecture Exam and Lab Practical: Learn all the muscles ever created
• Spanish Food Log, Journal, Church Report, Video, and Extra Credit
• Nursing Club constitution
• Clean room
• Vacuum house
• Practice piano: polish Arabesque
• Attempt to practice organ

At least I can sleep in.
Whoop-de-doo.

Blessing

I picked up my Bible this morning for devotion and I turned randomly and I came across Psalms 116. Oh my, just what I needed!

I love the Lord because He hath heard my voice and my supplications.
Because He hath inclined His ear unto me, therefore will I call upon Him as long as I live.
The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow.
Then called I upon the name of the Lord; O Lord, I beseech thee, deliver my soul.
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful.
The Lord preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.
Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee.
For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.
I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.
I believed, therefore have I spoken: I was greatly afflicted:
I said in my haste, All men are liars.
What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits toward me?
I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the Lord.
I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence of all his people.
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.

Psalms 116: 1-15

That's not the whole chapter, but yeah...it was pretty awesome coming across that because that's just what I had been feeling for awhile..


Here's another quote that I came across that I just want to post up so I can remember it:
"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth." - Benjamin Disraeli

Bright Blue

I didn't realize how bright my blue background is until just now, when I checked my blog. Maybe Rory (a Macbook -- Mac pride!) is just that good.

Anyways...
I'm overwhelmed.

I was looking over Vanessa's Nursing binder today, and I didn't realize how much stuff...and...stuff...Nursing School entails. (I can't find a better word than stuff right now.)

These are the things that are freaking me out right now about Nursing School:

• a 95% is an A
• I don't know if I will graduate on time -- June 2010
• my recommendations
• TEAS
• Med School

That's right, Med School. That idea has never left me. I won't change my major again; I'm going to finish Nursing. But now, I'm thinking about going to Med School. I want to be a doctor and I'm not sure why. I just have a feeling in me that wants to be a doctor, that wants to go to med school. One can't trust their feelings and shouldn't base a decision solely on feelings so that's why I'm not sure. Ahhhh.

I have a lot of things to do besides that so maybe I should put those aside, and start worrying about them when Fall Quarter finals are over. I have to start my application process for LLUSN (Loma Linda University School of Nursing) by January 2008 because it's due at the of March 2008, so I have a few months to not worry about them and worry about LSU stuff.

List making looks fun right now, so here's my to-do-list for tonight =]

• pick up Bio lab notebooks
• finish the laundry
• OSA PIE FEED @ 6 P.M.! mmmmmm, foooooooood =]
• start studying for PSYC test
• PSYC application essay due tonight @ 11:59 P.M.
• start making flash cards for A & P: muscles and appendicular skeleton
• clean room (hah! like that's gonna happen...)

*sigh* This week is almost over! It's been so blaaaah and cloudy (not only in the skies). At least today had a good moment and a burst of sun: Dr. Joseph finally did the moonwalk in class!

Rock Climbing and Such..

I told the Lord (even though I don't really need to) to do all that He has to do in order that I may experience true conversion and give my heart fully to Him.

I wasn't expecting all of it to hit hard at once. More is probably on the way or these trials will grow bigger, but right now...I don't know what to do.

I remember my rock climbing story/analogy that I talked about last week during my testimony...

One Wednesday morning, I began to climb the course that had the chimney. It was really easy until I got to the edge of the chimney and couldn't figure out how to get inside and finish the climb. I moved left and right, up and down, and yet I couldn't get inside. I started looked back down at the ground and decided maybe I'll just climb it later after finding a better path. I called down that I was ready to lower, but then Coach came over and started yelling, "What are you doing?!" I responded with, "Uhh...I'm ready to come down.." and he looked at me and said, "Are you a quitter?!" I laughed and said, "Noooooo...I just can't get inside!" He was like, "Of course you can!" And I said, "Uh...no....I mean, I understand the concept and everything, but I just can't get in..." And he gave me another look...and then I felt a tug that pushed me up a few inches higher. I sighed and attempted to jump for a rock. It took me a couple times, but finally I grabbed hold of it and somehow, pulled myself up into the chimney and finished the climb.

I related this to our Christian experience and the trials that come with it. In the beginning, we're just on the ground -- we're in the world. And once we decide to give our heart and our life to Jesus, we start climbing that wall, up to Him. It seems easy at first, but then suddenly, we reach that obstacle, that trial, that tribulation. We try to move around it, we think of what we ourselves can do to get over it, but nothing seems to work. Then, looking back down at the ground, looking back down at the world...it seems like an easier place to be in. We think, "Oh, this wouldn't have happened to me if I were still in the world, if I were still on the ground." Falling seems like the best option to us. Slipping back into the way our lives used to be, lowering ourselves back onto the ground seems like a solution. But if we don't give up, if we just persevere and trust in God, He will give us that pull, that strength, that will help us finish that climb up to Him.

Nice, right? But right now, feeling all this hurt, feeling all the confusion, feeling like I just want to give up...I'm back to where I was that Wednesday -- staring at that chimney and not knowing what to do and where to find the strength to continue. But now, it's a bigger chimney, or a group of chimneys, for trials are just piling up in front of me. Ignoring them and pretending everything is okay are things I do...but they don't last for long.

All is piling up and more is on the way, and right now...I need that tug, that strength to continue on.

This World is Not My Home

this world is not my home
i'm just a-passing through
my treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue
the angels beckon me from heaven's open door
and i can't feel at home in this world anymore

oh Lord, You know i have no friend like You
if heaven's not my home,
then Lord what will i do?
the angels beckon me from heaven's open door
and i can't feel at home in this world anymore.