be extraordinary.

When I arrived home today from Loma Linda, I saw the new issue of Pacific Union Recorder sitting on our kitchen table. It caught my eye because it was a special issue about Adventist Health. And now, being a student at an Adventist Health institution (is it part of Adventist Health?), I was interested. I'm glad I picked it up because I found an article that was just inspiring. I haven't been doing my very best in Nursing School lately, and I know I can do so much better, by the grace of God. I guess I just haven't really wanted to but this article gave me a little reminder why I should.

(via Pacific Union Recorder )

"Being Extraordinary for God"
By Ricardo Graham, President of the Pacific Union Conference

God calls us to be the best we can be—faithful, honest, charitable and kind. But what does "the best" mean today?

Often we measure our success by our work. Yet, being the best to God doesn't mean we have to be rich and famous or wildly successful by the standards of this world. Nor does it mean we have to be rocket scientists, doctors or lawyers (or even pastors). But as the faithful, we are expected to recognize and use the talents He gave us to do our very best.

Consider the challenge in Ecclesiastes 9:10: "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, where you go."

God calls us ordinary individuals to be extraordinary—exceptional parents, remarkable sons and daughters, devoted husbands and wives, and faithful servants to one another. The Bible gives us many examples of these types of every day people called to do extraordinary things for God.

Consider Noah and his ark. Noah was a mere carpenter—but one with faith—and through Noah's work, God spared the world. Or consider Joseph. The favorite son and envied brother, this ordinary young man with a coat of many colors went on to be chief consultant to a king. And don't forget Mary and Martha. These sisters served Jesus intimately with Martha's wonderful meals and Mary's alabaster box of perfume. Through their faith, and Jesus' miracle, they saw their brother Lazarus raised from the dead.

These famous names mean something to us as Christians. They represent some of our fondest Bible heroes, people who accomplished great things in the name of the Lord. But the names Roger, Judy, David and Larry mean something, too. Like our Bible heroes, these ordinary individuals stand out because of their extraordinary work. Through their jobs at Adventist Health, these people extend the healing mission of Jesus Christ. Every day, they use their unique talents and gifts, to help heal the world—body, mind and spirit.

As vice chair of the Adventist Health Board of Directors, it is my privilege to associate with the individuals who give the organization its heart. There is no task too small to be extraordinary. Whether it's reading about IT innovator Roger Pruyne, traveling clinic manager Judy Alvarez, hospitalist Dr. David Kim or facilities director Larry Coffin and his team of tropical groundskeepers, I know you enjoyed learning about the extraordinary work happening in our health system.

Today I challenge you to be exceptional, and, in the words of an old hymnal favorite, to "brighten the corner where you are." No matter if it's pounding a nail on an ark, wiring a building, interpreting dreams or tending the sick, God has a plan for you. Use your gifts to honor God, and in everything, be extraordinary.

some thoughts.

I move into my new dorm, Lindsay Hall, at Loma Linda tomorrow and I'm just about freaking out.

Before, I was so excited about the thought of finally going to Loma Linda! Whenever I visited, I would be so happy and think, "This is going to be my school!" But now...I am scared out of my mind. I've heard so many stories and I'm so afraid that I'm just going to fail again. I have so many goals, but I'm so scared that I'm not going to reach them and I'm just so so so scared. I'm scared for the classes, a little nervous about clinicals, and I just know that I don't have the right study habits to help me get the grades that I want. For example, I am NOT ready for Med Term! I have NOT studied for that test and I have to read 15 chapters! I am so scared that I've just been procrastinating with everything. I'm not happy right now and I'm just...scared. I'm not excited...and I've been eating a lot because I'm a stress eater (just wanted to add that in because I just realized it).

I have no focus, no goals...I just...am so afraid.

Fun fact, just to lighten things up: I found a strand of red hair on my head. Whee.

good-bye teen years.

In about forty minutes, it'll be August 29--my birthday.

Although I don't officially turn twenty until around 9 P.M., I still want to take this time to say good-bye to my teen years.

Oh, my teen years
they weren't the greatest part of my life
but I did have some good times.

For months, I couldn't wait to turn twenty,
but now that it's finally here..

I DON'T WANT TO GROW OLD!

denial.

Registration for Loma Linda opened today.

I still have a huge load of holds.

Usually, I'd be on top of this and rush to get into my classes. At La Sierra, I would try to schedule my appointment with my adviser within one or two weeks of when advising opened. I would be registered for my next quarter's classes weeks before I even ended the current quarter!

But now...I have so much to do for Loma Linda, but I don't want to.

I think it's because I'm in denial that I'm actually going there.

Or maybe, it's probably this one: I'm scared out of my mind.

I've heard so many stories about Nursing school, and especially since I might be headed on the fast track at Nursing school, I'm so afraid! I'm not so nervous about dealing with patients--I'm more freaked out about the classes and all the studying! Over the past years, I've developed a bad study habit, and even though I do pretty well when I sit down and actually focus on something, I tend to wait until the very last minute to do so. I need to change that, but I don't know how!

I'm so so so scared.

everything's changing.

As I was getting ready to sleep, I remembered something we did for at least two months at La Sierra: morning manna. The Finish the Work members at LSU and some friends would get up around six in the morning and we would meet in the girls' dorm lobby, have a devotional, and eat breakfast in the caf together. Those were some great times and I was just remembering what fun we had together.

It makes me sad to think that my little brothers are leaving soon, and a few months later, a couple of my friends might leave as well. We've grown so close as a FTW family and I can't even imagine what it's gonna be like in the next six months. I know that we can't stay together forever, and that we have work to be done, but I can't help but miss how it was like just a couple of months ago.

boo me.

I am quite possibly the worst person ever.

post 131

A part of me wishes that I continued on towards Med School.

my rebaptism.

My first baptism took place when I was about eight or nine years old. I don't even remember going through the baptismal studies, but I knew I wanted to be baptized because I wanted to take part in Communion. I remember feeling like such a "big kid" after I was baptized because everyone kept coming up to me telling me, "Congratulations" and what not.

I didn't know what I was doing so I wasn't truly baptized. Sure, I got wet, but I was not baptized of the Holy Spirit. I didn't give my life to the Lord that day and I didn't for almost ten years.

I gave my life to the Lord and decided to live for Him on December 2, 2006. That Sabbath morning, the Lord was working on my heart, breaking down the hard wall that surrounded it, and when the words "Decide today to live for Jesus" were heard, they just penetrated the layers that I had created around my heart and struck to the core. I started to change my life after that day. Slowly, I began to learn more about Jesus. I remember waking up early one Sabbath morning because I wanted to watch the live telecast of GYC 2006 on 3ABN. I remember taking notes through the services when David Assherick , David Gates, and Jeffrey Rosario spoke. The Bible began to come alive in my life and I started seeing how I can make practical applications from the messages I had heard. Throughout the following year, I began helping out in Bible studies and doing revivals and just getting a blessing from this new life that I had found in the Lord.

There were several times when my friends had given appeals for baptism during revivals and I felt that I should answer the call to be rebaptized. One day I was talking about being rebaptized and my friend Ashley said she had been thinking about it for awhile too. We made a decision that we wanted to be rebaptized together but we just didn't know where. Finally, a little over a month ago, we decided to get rebaptized with our friend Luke in the Philippines at South Philippine Adventist College on July 4, 2008.

I remember just wanting to be alone that day and just meditate. I didn't want my second baptism to be like my first--where it didn't mean anything to me. I remember Ashley and I standing at the end of the line because we wanted to be baptized last. While we were waiting, we were just praying and I had my Bible with me and I was going over Galatians 2:20. We started crying as we entered the pool together and as we were baptized together.

That day signified something that I had chosen to do a year and a half ago--decide to live for Jesus and surrender my life to Him.

But lately, it seems that I have forgotten what I had decided to do. My heart has been broken many times before and even during the past year and now I'm going through it again. I was so tired of just "sucking it up" and just putting my life in Jesus's hands. I wanted things to go my way and I was so tired of not being the one for someone and just watching that person fall for another person. I even stopped praying and reading my Bible because I already knew what God wanted me to--He wanted me to trust Him with the situation and just leave it to Him. I had already gone through this and I had seen and praised the Lord for how another situation turned out and realized that He truly knows what's best but I just didn't want it to happen for this second situation. I was being so selfish and I knew that the wrong spirit was in me.

As I had my devotion about an hour ago and as I listened to "I Surrender All," I started to remember my rebaptism and how I had wanted to really take Galatians 2:20 to heart. I looked back on what I had been feeling and thinking this past week and realized that if I continued on that path, my rebaptism would have been like my first one. I had lost my trust for someone and realized that I was also fast losing my trust in God. I didn't want to go back to the life that I had lived before and I knew that I had to do something that was so hard: surrender my whole life to Christ again.

Although this is so hard to do and just leaving my life in His hands could possibly mean that I would go through another heart break and pain, I know deep in my heart that this is the best thing I can possibly do.

"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20

no more complaints.

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."
Philippians 4:11

I just listened to an amazing sermon just now and God was truly speaking through Alistair. This sermon was just like...something I really needed to hear and so that's why if you look at my previous post, all the words have strike through because that post was just a bunch of complaints.

So listen to this sermon because it's a blessing!

The Sin that Cost Canaan - Alistair Huong

i'm sorry.

...that I'm not going to have a "happy" post right now.

I'm tired of pretending to be all happy and cheerful in my posts when I'm not. Yes, I want to be uplifting and encouraging but I'm not going to be fake. And if whoever reads this is going to judge me for not being happy and cheerful, then go right ahead.

I'm so tired right now. I'm so tired of being right. People think that I'm just ...whatever. I'm just tired of being right about things and just having to suck it up in the end.

I'm having major trust issues right now and you know what, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't trust right now. It's just that...I've been through things before and I'm soooooooo tired of being hurt. I know it's probably my fault for putting myself in this situation, but I'm sorry! I've been saying that so many times and I guess that it's just my phrase for now. I should have someone write that across my forehead: I'm sorry. I've been saying that so many times that now it's coming out as "I'm sowwee."

Mike asked me if I rather be in a situation where I'm getting kicked out of the house for being baptized and not having anything and I said I rather be in that situation! I'm so tired of being in situations like this. This is like the second time in less than a year. Even though the other one hurt more and probably took a longer time to get over...I don't know. I'm just so tired.

Ahh I'm probably going to delete this when I'm in a better spirit, but I'm sorry for whoever's reading this because it's not...whatever.

trust.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

In the Philippines, we were able to hand out small cards with our name, a verse, and our email on them. Usually many of the students would want us to sign their cards so we would leave a small message and our signature. I would write things like "Keep looking to Jesus," and "Only in Him will you find true happiness and perfect peace," but most of all, I would also write: "Trust in the Lord always!"

It's funny that now during this time, I'm having a hard time doing all the above, especially trusting in Him. Actually...it's not funny, more ironic, but it's such a bummer especially since 1 Cor. 9:14.

I'm praying that my faith and my trust in God will not waver, though the things that I would like to happen are not happening and most likely won't happen. When I saw something earlier, I felt a twinge of pain and closed my eyes and started saying to myself, "Trust in the Lord...He knows what's best...He has a better plan for you.." I've seen time and time again about how the Lord's plan is always the best plan, and yet even now, I'm still having trouble accepting it in this situation. Ahhhhhh.

The most I can do is just continue to pray and put all my trust in God. I prayed last night that the Lord may refine me through trials so that I will be able to stand for the troubles that are nearing quickly, and maybe this is another trial that I must go through. I must again go through something like this in order just to...learn to trust.

I have to remember my verse that I put on the cards too!:
"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." Psalms 27:14.

philippines mission trip 2008.

I've tried to think about what I can write about the mission trip that I just went on. I could write a synopsis of it, a day-to-day summary of what happened...but there are no words to fully explain this trip.

It was a life changing experience. Never in the States can anyone find the kindness, hospitality, sweetness, and love that the people in the Philippines have. We were so babied there because they really wanted to take care of us. Not only were they hospitable and kind, but they were so receptive to the Word. I'll never forget the time when a guy came up to receive his prize for getting an answer correct on a quiz--he got a Bible and the joy that he expressed when he got it was so priceless. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for that. It put such a huge smile on my face!

When I came back and people asked me, "How was the Philippines?" I tell them that I didn't want to come back. A friend of mine was like "Gee..thanks!" when I said that, but I don't know. With love and honesty I say this--I didn't miss anyone or anything (except kinda flushing toilets but I got used to it..) from back home. When you're doing work for God, nothing else is on your mind. You put your all into the work and it's just so amazing to see the results. Praise the Lord because without Him, nothing that we did on this trip would have meant anything or even happened.

This mission trip has shed a new light on life. I felt like I could do this forever--full time missionary work. But I know there's a mission field that I have here back at home, but I dunno...maybe if God calls me to it after school, I will go!

I don't know what else to add...I just can't describe it. All my training in English and writing have failed me because...I just can't find the words to say anything else about it. I thank the Lord for this opportunity because I would not trade anything for those two weeks.

the night before.

So...it's two in the morning and I'm still in Loma Linda. We're leaving for the Philippines in about twenty hours. It still hasn't hit me that we're leaving.

Right now, I'm at Mike's house with JR, Luis, Justin, Tina, Mike, and Kurt. I'm so sleepy! I haven't packed yet and stuff like that and I really want to be in my bed!

I'm gonna miss everything but I pray that this trip truly changes my life and brings me closer to God.

Please keep us in your prayers.

congratulations tracy

we love you!

competition

This is why I shouldn't watch competitive TV, such as the Game 6: Celtics vs. Lakers

I am surprisingly really bummed.

Competition is also the reason I've decided not to play competitive volleyball anymore--it just doesn't bring out the best in people, and especially does not reveal the character of Christ.

Haha...I can't say anymore. I feel so down. LOL, lame right?

and so it begins

...my constant and obsessive checking of my grades.

This is a habit I have formed since...I guess, last year? After the quarter is over, I constantly check my transcript almost every hour until all the grades are up.

Note to Dr. Dean and Dr. Kim:
it would be soooo awesome if my B+ was bumped up to A-.
My face would go from this: =) to this: =D !

And thanks Dr. Martin for posting up the grades quickly for Patient/Physician Comm. And thanks for the grade too =]

Now Guru, you said the grades would be up by 12 P.M. Monday. It is 11:48. I'm going to be waiting.

Haha. I need help.

last week.

It's my last week here at LSU! (for now, I guess, you never know what will happen..)

I'm so happy! Praise the Lord for His many blessings! I just finished my first final, from one of my hardest classes, Basic Med. Microbiology. I'm hoping for an A-! Yeah, that's not that great, it's not an A (bummer, I know), but it's much better than my grades that I've been getting in that class.

Today has started out as a great day. I woke up at 3:30 (crazy early!) and had my devotion. I didn't rush through this one or just read a chapter from the Bible like I usually do when I'm anxious and in a rush, but I took my time and read the passage from the Bible that corresponded with the chapter of Desire of Ages. What a blessing!

And then I just looked over my notes, got to eat breakfast, prepared my things and left for school at 6 A.M. (I was at home in Glendale for the weekend) It's a beautiful day and I'm just so happy! =]

Also, I just got to pay my tuition and no late fee has been charged (at least that's what the cashier said)! PTL! =]

Hopefully the rest of the week will be just as beautiful!

a significant life.

Someone texted me this last year:

A SIGNIFICANT life

comes not from

possession
position
pleasure
prestige
or power

it comes from humble hearts and the OBEDIENCE OF GOD.

I think I know why he sent this to me at the time. I remember we were in chemistry lab one afternoon and a friend of ours was going off on me on why I shouldn't become a nurse. He was telling me about how one day he would be my boss, how nursing isn't as great as medicine, and so on. It was basically about how I should become a doctor because of position, prestige, and power.

I've kept those words that are italicized above on a post-it beside my desk so I'll never forget them. There are so many people in the world that seek those things: they want many possessions to show off, they want the right position in society or in the workplace, they seek pleasure to make them happy and entertained for awhile, they want the prestige of a title, and they want the power for their self-glorification and self-respect. But what does that do for them in the end?

There are so many examples from many well-known people in the world that those things don't bring happiness. Why? Because God is not in the midst of it.

What will your life mean if your heart is not humbled and obedient to God? Your happiness, your possessions, your position, your pleasures, your power, and your prestige that you sought for will soon pass away and at the end of the day,

you'll just feel empty.

Don't ever turn away from the truth. Don't ever doubt what the Lord has done for you and the light that you have. You have been blessed with something that many in this world are seeking after--a full and significant life because you have the Lord in your heart, mind, and soul.

And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth forever. 1 John 2:17

loma linda girl.

Dear Elyssa:

It is my pleasure to inform you that the Admissions Committee of Loma Linda University School of Nursing voted to accept you for Fall Quarter 2008.

Praise the Lord!

Now I'm a Loma Linda girl...whatever that means.

senioritis.

Dx: senioritis

It's true--I have senioritis. Yes, I may not be a senior, but the term "junioritis" just doesn't sound right. I realized that I've caught this inflammation (haha, -itis is a suffix which means "the inflammation of...") because I'm preparing to go to a new school, just like a high school senior getting ready to go off to college. Unlike high school seniors, the rest of the quarter doesn't seem pointless--it's going to be a critical time to see if I can really step it up and reach the goals that I had mentioned before.

There's a twist though: what if I don't get in? If I don't get in, I'm going to take it as a sign that Nursing may not be where God wants me to be. Then...who knows what I'm going to do? Finish up pre-med prereqs, do Clinical Lab Science, wait a quarter to get accepted, or full time ministry and focus on getting CORE up and running.

Ahhhh. Loma Linda sent out their letters on Wednesday so now it's just time to wait anxiously for the mail to arrive. Just like I said--it's like high school over again when I was waiting for those acceptance/rejection letters to come. Hopefully it'll be like my UCSD turn out, not like my USC one. I felt so blue after that...

It's hard to believe that just one sheet of paper can hold your future on it.

knock knock.

"...who's there?"
"bum."
"bum who?"
"bummer, you're failing."

Ha ha ha. Not that funny? Yeah, I know. Life isn't that funny right now for me.

I'm in my seventh week of school--which means 70% of this quarter is done. At this point, I don't even know what an A or even a high B looks like. No joke. I have three weeks to pull up my grades.

I thought this quarter was going to be different, hopefully maybe a little easier! Nope, nope, nope--it's not. I'm busier than ever and it's getting so tiring. I don't even have enough time to study! Well...to study like I'm supposed to.

It's funny: I'm ending my current time here at La Sierra just like how I started it. I didn't have great grades during my first quarter of my freshman year, and at this point in my junior year (my 2nd year though...), I don't have great grades.

I really want to pull my cumulative GPA to a 3.7 though! I also want to make the Dean's List again, which would mean that I was on it this whole year.

I'm not going to give up--but I'm going to need a lot of help.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Phil. 4:13

may updates

As the month of May continues to pass by, it gets busier every week for me!

I've had to ask my roommate Nikki to change my passwords for Facebook and Myspace during the weekdays because it's such a big temptation to just waste my time on those sites rather than doing schoolwork. I've realized that those sites are actually not a big deal and I could really live without them. Yes, it's taken me a great while to realize that! However, many of my friends think otherwise so that's why I haven't deleted them yet. I'm still trying to delete my Tumblr site, but I can't find it!

Since it's late, I'm going to bullet my updates:

• I'm going to the Philippines! Woo June 25-July 14! Praise the Lord! I can't wait =]
• I hear from Loma Linda University School of Nursing sometime this month. Many people reassure me that I'll be accepted, but I'm still not sure. I know so many smart people that are applying for those spots for Fall 2008, so we'll see. It's in God's hands.
• I love my mommy! and of course my daddy as well. Since yesterday was Mother's Day, I got to take my mom out to lunch. It was fun! I enjoy hanging out with her. Haha.
• The Americana on Brand is finished! It's so pretty there! My mom and I looked at the Excelsior homes (they're the ones that you can own) this morning. We had an appointment because she's been pre-approved for a purchase of a home and they are okay. I love the amenities of living there!
• Finish the Work is getting busier too! This week, we're going to be doing Sabbath School at Vallejo Drive SDA. I'm excited because it's so close to home (as in my permanent residence-home)!
• I need to learn how to study. You'd think that I would have caught onto that concept, but nope.

Okay...that's all I can think of for the moment. Now it's time to shower and do math homework. Yup--I still have the worst time management skills ever.

ASi Video

This is a video that Luke made for the ASi Pacific Union Conference 2008.

insights and more

This past week and weekend has been so busy! ASi Pacific Union Conference started on Thursday, Microbiology test on Friday, ASi Conference on Saturday, and Pre-Professional Conference today. And on top of that, my mom is sick and I'm starting to come down with something.

Anyways, here are some insights that I've received from this past weekend:

• Nelson quoted from Christian Service (I can't find the quote!) saying how if one was truly full of zeal, that person would never fall. Of course for many, that is not the case. But the Bible says in Proverbs 24:16 that "For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief." Even though we fall, the fact that we want to get up and ask Christ to raise us up is really something. There are many that fall, and just keep on falling, and never ask to be lifted up just because they enjoy what they've landed on.
• I shouldn't live for others. I shouldn't live for the praise of men and women, but for the praise of God. I've noticed many times in my life, I do soooo many things just to get people to like me, just so they can say nice things about me. That's nice and dandy and great to do things for people and have them like you, but that's not what my life's purpose should be based upon. I should do all things for God and if some don't like it, then so be it.
• I need to make a change in my life, in my study habits, etc. I need to figure out what and who are true priorities in my life. Also, I need to start focusing! I can't depend on the fact that there were times that I've studied the night before a test and have gotten a pretty decent grade. Auntie Cheeky and the panelists made that clear in the conference today. I need to take the time to truly focus. Even though what I'm learning may not be as important as an education in spiritual things, this will help me be a blessing to God and to others and I should do the best that I can in this world.

So yeah, just some stuff I thought about yesterday and today. By the way, I just want to commend Samantha for the great job that she did today at the Pre-Professional Conference! =]

all i can do

...is cry.

I didn't think I would cry, but after reading an email from a friend and while listening to "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz, the tears just started to fall down my cheek. They're still falling and are actually stinging my face because of my sunburns that I got this past weekend.

I guess everything has just accumulated into teardrops:
My mom's sick, Pastor Roxas has been diagnosed with colon cancer-
I'm so tired and stressed and behind in my schoolwork-
After several months, I'm still not over it-
I feel so alone-
I empathize with those who are hurting: Michelle's friend who lost her father and whose brother is sick, Michael and Jeremy's family, Kurt's grandfather--when is all the pain going to end?
I'm scared that nursing isn't for me-
It's been a year and I'm still not the girl that Christ wants me to be, and I feel like I'm slipping-

blaaaaah.
Hah, this may be too much for you [the reader]; I have crossed the line, over and past the norm of reciprocity, especially since I have no idea who reads this...

nursing or not

Instead of typing up my Microbiology lab report, I am here again pondering about what to do.

What am I doing in life?
I am the President of the Pre-Nursing club and I'm anxiously awaiting the response of Loma Linda University to my application, and yet I'm wondering if this my calling.

Friends tell me that I shouldn't have given up on Pre-Med and all that. They tell me that I'm smart enough to go to Med School and be a doctor, but am I really?

There are so many possibilities for me to do: become a health evangelist, teach nutrition/health at CORE (yes, I really want to! Let meeeeeee in 2 years, Mike and Shane!), be a teacher (either for Nursing school or Med school...depends on what I become), be a doctor, be a nurse (practitioner or anesthetist), be a physician's assistant, get a Master's in Public Health for Education/Nursing...

Whenever I see others question nursing and go back to school after they finish nursing to do another degree, it makes me doubt whether or not I made the right decision to become a nurse.

Lord, please guide meeeeeeeee.

too intense for spring

This quarter looked like it would be less busy than last quarter, but it turns out that it's not going to be!

• I have to decide whether I should drop Volleyball because I don't know when I can do the outside practicing and I don't want to lie about it.

• My Developmental Psychology class is a service-learning class, so I need to do 2 hours of service-learning per week. I can either do Tuesday/Thursday 1-2 P.M. or Thursday 1-3 P.M. If I do Tuesday, my Tuesdays will be crazy filled because I have class from 9-11 A.M., service-learning from 1-2 P.M., lab TA from 3-6 P.M., and class from 6-8 P.M. But...I need Thursdays to grade lab notebooks!

• Not only is Dev. Psych a service-learning class, but it might be the hardest class I have this quarter. There's so much info and so many papers!

• Microbiology lab is going to be intense. Maybe not the actual lab, but the pre-lab reports, the materials sheet, and especially the lab report! 4-8 pages...and 4 pages will probably not be suffice for some labs. Ahh...this is crazier than General Biology lab!

I need to really focus and practice good time management this quarter. I might need to drop Volleyball, even though it looks like lots of fun. If I have too much on my plate, then I'll be stressed, my face will break out even more, I'll go to sleep late and wake up late so I'll miss my devotions, I'll be too frenzied that I won't be showing the character of Christ in my life, etc. However, this is good practice for next year, when I take on Nursing at Loma Linda. I want to do the accelerated track so I need to start time management and good study skills now!

Pacific Union ASI 2008 convention nears

"The Pacific Union ASI yearly meeting is scheduled for April 24-27 at the Pacific Palms Resort in Industry Hills, CA. The meeting starts Thursday evening and runs through Sunday morning. Featured speakers include Mike Ryan, General Vice President of SDA, Don Mackintosh, Director of Amazing Facts College of evangelism, and a dynamic youth group called "Finish the Work". There will be testimonies of ASI members and lots of fellowship, music and good food. See Download section of this website for applications for attendance and for booth rental."
via (ASI Pacific Union)

re-blogging

Ever since I've found the way to reblog on my Tumblr site, I've been reblogging non-stop. That just goes to show you how bright and creative I can be.

overwhelmed

Today was the beginning of Spring Quarter, and I'm already overwhelmed, tired, and wishing summer was tomorrow. My classes...are more work than I expected. I knew I would have to study a lot for Microbiology so that wasn't a surprise, Statistics was not the math I expected it to be, and Developmental Psychology and Volleyball are both more work than I planned. I might drop volleyball though--it depends on how many papers I need to write in my second psychology class. I also start work tomorrow with a real lab! So I need to brush up on my photosynthesis before I go.

But I just remembered...(how sad, I should always keep this in my heart) that: I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:13

This quarter...I will get through it, no matter how overwhelming it seems right now, as long as I have Jesus by my side!

spring quarter

...has finally arrived! It's my last quarter here at La Sierra for pre-nursing.

All of it is just so surreal...ten weeks here, and then hopefully I'll be off to Loma Linda.

Crazy....

Just as crazy as me having my interview this Friday (crazy, but true!).

Life is just speeding by

class standing

According to La Sierra University, I'm officially a Junior.

How coool! Haha.

eddleman rocks

PRAISE THE LORD!

Somehow, I got an A in A&P2!!!!

I'm not sure how that happened...

my average test grade was about an 85, lab was about 95-96, attendance should be 100, and my final? no idea...
but Praise the Lord for extra credit!

Woohoo!

pre-summertime

It feels like Spring was skipped, and we've moved straight from Winter into Summer.

Boo, I kind of wanted the grass and the hillsides in Riverside to stay green.

*sigh* Maybe it'll rain sometime soon?

At least the night feels awesome.

litmus test

Yesterday, I felt so bummed. I had just taken my Chemistry final and I didn't think I did well on it. Right after I got to my room and put my laundry in the washing machine, I started to calculate theoretical grades for Chemistry. Basically, I was hoping and praying for a B-.

I prayed asking Him to soften Tatum's heart, to pour mercy upon me, and...I asked for a sign. I said if I receive another C+ in Chemistry, then it's my sign to think about staying with Nursing, but if I receive a B-, I'll take that as my sign to think about Medicine as a possibility.

After that, I was thinking of calling my teacher the next day to ask about my grade, but I realized I didn't have his number. I left early this morning from La Sierra, so I couldn't go to his office and ask about my final grade.

When I got home, I started my ritual of checking my grades every hour until all are posted up..

and my Chemistry grade was surprisingly posted up just a few minutes ago...

I got a B.

Thank you, Lord!

for serious

As much as I dislike studying and some busy work,

I would never want to drop out of school.

I want to get as much education as I can.

I don't consider it all "book knowledge,"

for this is practical--this is a part of life (even of the life to come):

nursing, medicine, teaching.

floating

I feel like I'm floating down life's stream.
I don't know where I'm going; I don't know where I'm headed.
I don't know what I want to do, and yet there are so many things I want to do.

100th post

Wow, my 100th post! This is for sure special.

This was my devotion for this morning/email to Finish the Work, and I wanted to share it with the world:

On Luis' myspace headline, it says: "Preach at all times, using words if necessary." - St. Francis of Assisi

In Titus 2:11-15, the Bible says:
For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearance of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto Himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee.

We all have different callings, but in each of our callings, we have a common factor-- we are to live a set-apart life from the world for our wonderful Savior.
We are called to a higher standard than the world has for us, because most of the time, the world's standards of what is acceptable and right is not what the Lord has for us. Many times (I know I've done this!), we do something that is just not right because according to the world, it's "okay". But let us not forget James 4:17: Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

Romans 12:1-2 says,
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Here again, we see that we are called to live accordingly that we may prove that perfect will of God. In the first verse, we are to be "living sacrifices"--to die to self and to let Christ reign in us.
I've heard a saying that says, "To deny self is to be like Christ." I'm not sure where that's from, but as calling ourselves "Christians," we are saying that "CHRIST (lives) in us." Gal. 2:20.

Also, we are to look at Christ's example, not at each other's. We are can witness to each other through our lives, but there are times when we fall short of the glory of God. Rom. 3:23. We must remember to "look unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith," (Heb. 12:2) for He is the only one that will be able to keep us from falling and will lift us up. Jude 24, James 4:10.

If we're not sure if something is right or if we just don't know what to do in a situation, let us turn to God first-
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:5

Ellen White has something to say about this:

"The lives of professing Christians who do not live the Christ life are a mockery to religion. Every one whose name is registered on the church roll is under obligation to represent Christ by revealing the inward adorning of a meek and quiet spirit. They are to be His witnesses, making known the advantages of walking and working as Christ has given them example. The truth for this time is to appear in its power in the lives of those who believe it, and is to be imparted to the world. Believers are to represent in their lives, its power to sanctify and ennoble. . . . They are to show forth the power of the grace that Christ died to give men. . . . They are to be men of faith, men of courage, whole-souled men, who, without questioning, trust in God and His promises. . . . There must be no pretense in the lives of those who have so sacred and solemn a message as we have been called to bear. The world is watching Seventh-day Adventists because it knows something of their profession of faith and of their high standard, and when it sees those who do not live up to their profession, it points at them with scorn." from God's Amazing Grace, page 247.


The greatest way to preach a sermon is through the life we live. God gave us a beautiful message and a wonderful callings--to be His ambassadors to this dark world (2 Cor. 5:20).

But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of Him who hath called you out of darkness into His marvellous light 2 Peter 2:9

lean on me

I was watching a few YouTube videos of Chorale from this year, and it made me miss it so much! I miss playing piano for them, going to concerts and adjudications, fun times during class, etc.

and then...
I found me on YouTube! Good night, Sweetheart

no lie

It's hard to live a set apart life sometimes for Christ. I just had to say it; most people know it's true. It's hard when trials and tribulations come your way, when you want something so much even though you know it's not right.

But I know, yes I do know so no need for reminders thanks, to look to Christ. He will give me strength and guidance when the waves crash around me, when my hopes sink, and I feel like I'm about to drown.

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. Psalms 27:14

changes

"Satan well knows that all whom he can lead to neglect prayer and the searching of the Scriptures will be overcome by his attacks. Therefore he invents every possible device to engross the mind." {GC 519.2}

Why am I online at such an early (or late) hour of the morning (or night)? Because I have let myself become distracted with many different things: (ice cream) cravings, Myspace, Facebook, talking with friends, etc. Those things were not created by Satan, but yet I let them distract and engross my mind for such long periods of time, that when I come to my senses, it is already late, so I do not have time to pray or have my devotions. I end up sleeping late, and waking up late also, so I miss my morning devotions.

I let these things distract me from studying and doing homework that I end up awake at 2-3 A.M. finishing them up, instead of sleeping like I should be (health message!)!

I've developed such a horrible habit, so that's why I'm blogging about it. I want all who come across this to hold me accountable--I will do my best to no longer waste the time that I have!

No more hours on Myspace, Facebook, Blogger, Tumblr, etc.

If any of you see me wasting my time on these things or just on random things, let me know! Rebuke me, yell at me, throw things at me, do whatever you must so I will be able to focus! Because trust me, I am soooo easily distracted !

Help me out: pray for me and/or hold me accountable.
Thanks and God Bless =]

eeeliesuh

I made a tumblr. I have no idea what to do with it.

it's love

I was thinking about this just now as I was preparing for my Chemistry test and I just wanted to let it out..

It is a common misconception to think that if one is not in a relationship with another individual, one cannot fully appreciate and celebrate Valentine's day. You can find love in so many places: in friends, family, and especially, in God.

It's love:

When my daddy, who is now struggling with walking, drives twice a week to Riverside and back to pick me up and drop me off at school. He hobbles, yet when I have a lot of stuff to carry, he comes out of the car and slowly walks up to my dorm to help me unload.

When my mommy, who works 5 days a week, and out of those 5, works 16 hours on 3 of those days. She does this in order that our family will be supported, and especially....to pay my college tuitition. It's not easy to pay more than $2,000 each month, but she does... so that when I graduate, I won't have several thousands of loans to pay off.

It is true love:

When Jesus came to Earth and died for us, so that one day, we will be able to rise up into the clouds and live with Him forever.

How beautiful!
It made me tear up just thinking of the things my parents do for me out of love, and I thought how much more should I marvel and wonder at the love of Christ.

can't stop

I am so busy.

I can't wait until Spring Break when I can pass out and sleep for a week to catch up for all the sleep I'm missing.

I am so sleep deprived and tired, and most of all...stressed!

tumblelog

I'm thinking of making a tumblelog.

Why, you ask? I think it best fits my way of thinking and sharing -- in a short, stream-of-consciousness format. (more information by the lovely wikipedia)

Really. It fits me.

One time, I emailed Mike and it was just me typing whatever was inside my head at the moment. The result? He said it was like I was talking to him in person.

The cons about this:
I still want to keep my blogspot and keeping up two blogs might tire me out. (LOL, no but seriously)
It'll feed my procrastination. (it isn't hard to feed me (physically as well...just lay out some food and I'll come)...I'm easily distracted...)
...

I'm not sure if I thought of more but those are two major ones.

But it just looks oh so fun!

necessities

I need to know that God has a better plan for me.
I need to know that it all happened for a reason.
I need to know that He will help me overcome.
I need to know that there was a reason why I was convicted on those things.
I need to know that there was a purpose to why I spoke up.
I need to know so many things.

But most of all, I need the faith of Jesus.

Here is the patience of the saints: here are they that keep the commandments of God, and the faith of Jesus. Revelation 14:12

new boots, please

My feet hurt.

I've been walking around campus trying to finish my errands. I went to the book store to buy a thank you card for the Khoe family and maybe stamps, but the stamps came in a book instead of separately and I already had stamps in a book but I wanted them separate so I didn't buy them. Then I went back to the dorm to get my stamps and cut them up for my recommenders and after, I walked to South Hall to see if Ms. Law was there. She wasn't, but a schedule by her door said that her office hours are from 1-3 P.M., so I'll be going back there. Next, I went to Hole Memorial to schedule my organ practice times, but no one was in the office because it's lunch, so I'll have to go back after 1 as well. Then, I went to drop off Dr. Joseph's recommendation at his office and he wasn't there, so I had to slide it under the door. Now I'm in my dorm room and I just finished emailing Loma Linda for my Pre-Admissions Tests schedule. Hopefully I can take it Feb. 15 at 9 A.M. with Jenny and Nikki!

Ten minutes until 1. Then I have to go back outside.

I'm not tired just because of that. If I was, that would be really sad. But actually, after eating at P.F. Chang's last night, we went to the snow! Luke, Ashley, Tony, Mymar, Jenny, Nikki, Luis and I went up to Forest Falls around 9 P.M. and we got there at 10 P.M. We had so much fun throwing snowballs at each other and running from the snow plower people. It was so tiring and cold though, and we didn't get back until 12:30. Fun stuff though! The snow started falling harder as we left, and it was crazy just to look up and watch it fall onto the windshield.

Anyways, here's a picture of the Thank you card I bought for the Khoe family. I'm so excited because it's so pretty!

rain, rain

The rain looked like so much fun to play in!

Nikki and I were staring outside our window and talking about what would happen if we were mini-people (like from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids) and what we would do if we were out in the rain. She said she would be holding onto one of the weeds so she wouldn't be pulled into the "current" of the sidewalk and drown but I told her I would be safe in the tree, hehe.

Yay, for rain! More WATER! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee =]

my lab prayer

So I thought instead of blogging about so-called "emo" things (that's for you Jeremy, even though you haven't said anything like that to me but whatever) or random information about me, I think I'm going to blog about different illustrations/spiritual applications that pop into my mind or blessings that happened during the week.

Here's a beautiful blessing that happened to me last week:

On Thursday, I had three exams: Sociology, Anatomy, and Chemistry and my weekly anatomy lab quiz. I was not prepared for any of them! I was really worried about Chemistry especially because I'm retaking that class and I need a better grade.

I wanted to spend most of Wednesday studying, but the sleepy side of me took over and so after Morning Manna and breakfast with my LSU ministry loves, I slept for a couple of hours. Around eleven, I woke up and I started reading over Sociology. Then, around one, I got dressed and went to the Biology building to start working. I came in early to put grades into my computer and hang around in Daniel and Danny's labs.

I sooooo did not want to be there! I was so freaked out about my tests and I was telling Daniel, Danny, and Janine and Danny offered to work the first hour for me so I could study, but I told him that was okay. I wasn't sure how good that was going to look, especially since I asked Janine to write me a recommendation for Loma Linda! Danny wanted to help me out, but we couldn't be clocked in at the same time so he couldn't.

Coming into lab and greeting the students, I was so grumpy--the Grinch of Lab. I don't even know what I said to them (it wasn't horrible!; it just wasn't the nice, cheerful, bubbly me that it should have been LOL) but I was telling them how they should just basically do their best to work quickly in lab. Ha, I'm a great T.A. right?

Well, before their quiz, I decided to pray. I had been thinking about that the week before and I felt the Holy Spirit tugging me to pray with them, so I asked that whoever wanted to pray with me could bow their heads. I prayed asking the Lord to be with them during the quiz and during lab, and especially for all of us with our quizzes, and tests, and whatever we had going on in the week. Then, the lab went as usual.

Not only was I stressed about my tests, I was also stressed about the lab! Dr. McCloskey gave them a worksheet about the Hardy-Weinberg Theorem to work on and I remember that I did not do that great with that equation. I was scared of the questions they were going to ask me! I wasn't sure if I would be able to answer them.

But I thank the Lord for being with me during the lab! The students are so bright; most all of them understood the theorem and they got the right answers on their worksheet! Not only that, but my mood brightened and I knew it was because of that prayer. I wasn't as stressed for my tests during the lab, so I was able to just go around to the different groups and talk with them and whatever. It was great!

So that's my testimony of the week.

Other news:
I finished my Loma Linda School of Nursing application and submitted it! Now I have to print out the recommendation sheets and give them to my teachers, and submit transcript requests at GAA and GCC. Funn. oOoOo yeah, and study for TEAS! Blah.
annnnnd...I'm home. Alive. Dry. Not crying. For those that know the situation, that could possibly be a good start.

Yay, tomorrow is the LSU Winter Formal, but a few friends and I are going to have some fun on our own.

nothing to say

I don't have much to say.

This past weekend was such a blessing! I'm so glad that I went and I have no regrets on going.

But now, coming down to school, I have to face many challenges.

I've cried so much, hoping that the tears will cleanse my heart of all its hurts

but it doesn't.

I need You, Lord. I feel so alone, like I've never felt before.

hello winter quarter

It's my last day of break. =[

This upcoming quarter looks like it's going to be the busiest and maybe hardest one.
Take a look:

Sociology MTRF 9-10 A.M.
A&P 2 MTRF 10-11 A.M.
G. Chem 2 TR 1-2:50 P.M.
A&P Lab R 3-5:50 P.M.
Nutrition M 6-9:40 P.M.
T.A. W 12-3 P.M. (hopefully)

...joyous. It wouldn't be so bad if I weren't retaking G. Chem again. Ahh, when I looked over my powerpoints for that quarter, it was all the conceptual stuff! No math!

But I have faith =]

I've noticed that my grades and GPA get better as the quarters go by, and as the quarters go by, we've been more consistent in our ministry and Bible studies on campus. =]

Boo hoo still.
Break is coming to a close.

google maps

I've never been a big fan of Geography. Sure, it was easy in high school and I got an A and everything, but to this day, I've never been good with maps. Two weeks ago at GYC, Jenny and I were standing in the cold for ten minutes in a Minneapolis neighborhood trying to find our starting point for our door-to-door evangelism. We walked all the way down one street in hopes that it would lead us to the starting point, but we went the wrong way! Today I had a sadder, more time-consuming experience.

I agreed to help Jeremy with mapping out a bunch of addresses on a Google map. I was confused for about twenty minutes, but I finally got the hang of it. We were working on a bunch of addresses, and in the middle of it, he notices that something happened and all of them were erased! Jeremy was pretty frustrated with it because he had worked on it for a long time but I stayed calm and tried to make him smile and de-frustrate him with icons that I thought would make him smile/laugh. I think it worked, and after that, we started up again. After reaching another half-way point, his computer froze and he signed off but I continued working. I finally got to the end of the list and was so relieved! I felt so accomplished because it was a really long list. I saved everything and clicked "Done" and went exploring on the map. I accidentally clicked a link and it brought me to a different page. I quickly pressed back and alas, our hard work was erased again.

I was so disappointed and sad.

When I called him up to tell him what happened, I actually had tears forming in my eyes.

Looking back on it now, a few hours later, it's a little humorous. I can't believe I shed a few tears for a map.

*sigh

Anyways. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve and I haven't done anything that I was supposed to do this break! This week, I need to really start working on: LLUSN application, recommendations, TEAS studying, my "Behold" Bible study research, my room...

Boo procrastination.

study to shew thyself approved unto God

grades.
they aren't the most important thing
but they are to a certain extent.

i thank the Lord so much
for bringing me through this past quarter
and softening my teachers' hearts
(especially my music teachers).

i just checked my grades
and they're the highest they've ever been
since i started college.
yaaaaaaaay.
no b's or below!

"Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." 2 Timothy 2:15

analogies

hand : palm :: internet : how i waste my time

elyssa is not equal to productive.

...if i were smarter, i would know more.
or maybe if i tried harder.
but you get the picture:
i'm so lazy right now.

study break

it hasn't been three full days since i've left la sierra, but i'm actually itching for something to study. that totally goes to show how confused i am: when at school, i absolutely despise studying, but now that i'm on break for three weeks, i feel like i need to study.

so tonight, i had some alone time. i curled up in my bed and read "the soul of a doctor," which is a compilation of essays by harvard medical students about their real experiences with patients. while i was reading, i really wanted my anatomy book so i could look up some of the terminology. i even was picturing the muscle model from the lab and started naming them: "rectus femoris, vastus lateralis, vastus medius, vastus intermedius, tensor fasciae latae...wait is that how you spell it? l-a-t-a-e? iliopsoas, pectineus..." and so on.

no i'm not a nerd. even though at this time, like always at the end of a quarter, i constantly attack the la sierra website, relentlessly logging in until my grades are all posted up so i can either rejoice or pout, i'm not a nerd. example: i can and should study for my teas exam, which i want to take in january, but i'm not. case closed.

i should be enjoying this break. i've been longing for this time when i don't have to study, work, practice, etc., but i actually just want to fast forward time to when i become a nursing student. even though i was totally afraid and overwhelmed at jonjon's llu nursing student testimonies, i'm yearning for that busyness, the hustle-and-bustle, the interaction with patients, and so on. i'm not looking forward to all the studying, but everything else seems fun. instead of being scared for allison and vanessa as they begin nursing school like i was on thursday night, i kind of really want to be going there with them next quarter...

practice makes music major

this evening, the department of music held their student chamber music concert. i attended because nikki was playing in the flute quintet and i like to come to her recitals and performances and stuff like a proud mama...but more like a proud roomie. (i didn't get to watch her perform because i had to leave but still...)

anyways, i was listening, observing, and admiring the musicians while they were playing, and it hit me: i could have been a music major. sure, anyone could be a music major if they know how to play an instrument or sing well, but seriously...i could have been a music major, if i practiced. i was listing the instruments that i've played in my head, and boy...if i really did spend much more time on them, i would have been so talented. haha.

but no really: i was a flutist, violinist, and percussionist, and i am a pianist and trying to learn how to become an organist. if i had just only practiced like i should have, who knows? i could have been one of the performers tonight.

practice makes perfect (and a music major.)

quote of the day

"courage is grace under pressure" - ernest hemingway

i am having the best time at camp cedar falls for preparation for eternity: the issues of life.
the messages are such a blessing and an eye-opener.

oh, the beauty of music

i know i just posted but
the power of music is tremendous.

i love marvin and derrick's rendition of what a friend we have in Jesus
it had me in tears--which is a good thing
kinda.

What a friend we have in Jesus, All our sins and griefs to bear! What a priviledge to carry Ev'rything to God in prayer! Oh, what peace we often forfeit, Oh what needless pain we bear, All because we do not carry Ev'rything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged, Take it to the Lord in prayer: Can we find a friend so faithful Who will all our sorrows share? Jesus Knows our every weakness, Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, Cumbered with a load of care? Precious Saviour, still our refuge; Take it to the Lord in prayer: Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer; In His arms He'll take and shield thee; Thou wilt find a solace there.

save a turkey, eat tofurkey

what a restful day.

it was great until i made the mistake of watching grey's anatomy.
i am now intrigued and bummed.
that show makes you real eager to learn and emo.

at least i'm eager to learn..
that should keep me busy these next three weeks.

can you whisper

anatomy blows.
blows like a fierce wind.
which knocks me over
face first
into the hard ground.

ahhhhhh.
i was actually studying last night
and there's so much stuff! =[

so please don't lose your confidence in me.

catharsis isn't always good, right?
that's what my psych book said.

i'm kind of missing last school year.

i wish i wasn't so fragile
'cause i know that i'm not easy to handle

No Escuela

So this week is Thanksgiving Break and I have no school!
Sounds great, right?
Nope.
I may have no classes, but I still have a huge amount of schoolwork and studying to do!
Basically, it's like I'm in school. Just without CABL run as well.
I also have the same distractions that keep me from doing my school work and studying, such as but not limited to:
MySpace, Facebook, YouTube, NAPS...

Things to Do:

• Study for A & P Cumulative Lecture Exam and Lab Practical: Learn all the muscles ever created
• Spanish Food Log, Journal, Church Report, Video, and Extra Credit
• Nursing Club constitution
• Clean room
• Vacuum house
• Practice piano: polish Arabesque
• Attempt to practice organ

At least I can sleep in.
Whoop-de-doo.

Blessing

I picked up my Bible this morning for devotion and I turned randomly and I came across Psalms 116. Oh my, just what I needed!

I love the Lord because He hath heard my voice and my supplications.
Because He hath inclined His ear unto me, therefore will I call upon Him as long as I live.
The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow.
Then called I upon the name of the Lord; O Lord, I beseech thee, deliver my soul.
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful.
The Lord preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.
Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee.
For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.
I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.
I believed, therefore have I spoken: I was greatly afflicted:
I said in my haste, All men are liars.
What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits toward me?
I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the Lord.
I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence of all his people.
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.

Psalms 116: 1-15

That's not the whole chapter, but yeah...it was pretty awesome coming across that because that's just what I had been feeling for awhile..


Here's another quote that I came across that I just want to post up so I can remember it:
"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth." - Benjamin Disraeli

Bright Blue

I didn't realize how bright my blue background is until just now, when I checked my blog. Maybe Rory (a Macbook -- Mac pride!) is just that good.

Anyways...
I'm overwhelmed.

I was looking over Vanessa's Nursing binder today, and I didn't realize how much stuff...and...stuff...Nursing School entails. (I can't find a better word than stuff right now.)

These are the things that are freaking me out right now about Nursing School:

• a 95% is an A
• I don't know if I will graduate on time -- June 2010
• my recommendations
• TEAS
• Med School

That's right, Med School. That idea has never left me. I won't change my major again; I'm going to finish Nursing. But now, I'm thinking about going to Med School. I want to be a doctor and I'm not sure why. I just have a feeling in me that wants to be a doctor, that wants to go to med school. One can't trust their feelings and shouldn't base a decision solely on feelings so that's why I'm not sure. Ahhhh.

I have a lot of things to do besides that so maybe I should put those aside, and start worrying about them when Fall Quarter finals are over. I have to start my application process for LLUSN (Loma Linda University School of Nursing) by January 2008 because it's due at the of March 2008, so I have a few months to not worry about them and worry about LSU stuff.

List making looks fun right now, so here's my to-do-list for tonight =]

• pick up Bio lab notebooks
• finish the laundry
• OSA PIE FEED @ 6 P.M.! mmmmmm, foooooooood =]
• start studying for PSYC test
• PSYC application essay due tonight @ 11:59 P.M.
• start making flash cards for A & P: muscles and appendicular skeleton
• clean room (hah! like that's gonna happen...)

*sigh* This week is almost over! It's been so blaaaah and cloudy (not only in the skies). At least today had a good moment and a burst of sun: Dr. Joseph finally did the moonwalk in class!

Rock Climbing and Such..

I told the Lord (even though I don't really need to) to do all that He has to do in order that I may experience true conversion and give my heart fully to Him.

I wasn't expecting all of it to hit hard at once. More is probably on the way or these trials will grow bigger, but right now...I don't know what to do.

I remember my rock climbing story/analogy that I talked about last week during my testimony...

One Wednesday morning, I began to climb the course that had the chimney. It was really easy until I got to the edge of the chimney and couldn't figure out how to get inside and finish the climb. I moved left and right, up and down, and yet I couldn't get inside. I started looked back down at the ground and decided maybe I'll just climb it later after finding a better path. I called down that I was ready to lower, but then Coach came over and started yelling, "What are you doing?!" I responded with, "Uhh...I'm ready to come down.." and he looked at me and said, "Are you a quitter?!" I laughed and said, "Noooooo...I just can't get inside!" He was like, "Of course you can!" And I said, "Uh...no....I mean, I understand the concept and everything, but I just can't get in..." And he gave me another look...and then I felt a tug that pushed me up a few inches higher. I sighed and attempted to jump for a rock. It took me a couple times, but finally I grabbed hold of it and somehow, pulled myself up into the chimney and finished the climb.

I related this to our Christian experience and the trials that come with it. In the beginning, we're just on the ground -- we're in the world. And once we decide to give our heart and our life to Jesus, we start climbing that wall, up to Him. It seems easy at first, but then suddenly, we reach that obstacle, that trial, that tribulation. We try to move around it, we think of what we ourselves can do to get over it, but nothing seems to work. Then, looking back down at the ground, looking back down at the world...it seems like an easier place to be in. We think, "Oh, this wouldn't have happened to me if I were still in the world, if I were still on the ground." Falling seems like the best option to us. Slipping back into the way our lives used to be, lowering ourselves back onto the ground seems like a solution. But if we don't give up, if we just persevere and trust in God, He will give us that pull, that strength, that will help us finish that climb up to Him.

Nice, right? But right now, feeling all this hurt, feeling all the confusion, feeling like I just want to give up...I'm back to where I was that Wednesday -- staring at that chimney and not knowing what to do and where to find the strength to continue. But now, it's a bigger chimney, or a group of chimneys, for trials are just piling up in front of me. Ignoring them and pretending everything is okay are things I do...but they don't last for long.

All is piling up and more is on the way, and right now...I need that tug, that strength to continue on.

This World is Not My Home

this world is not my home
i'm just a-passing through
my treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue
the angels beckon me from heaven's open door
and i can't feel at home in this world anymore

oh Lord, You know i have no friend like You
if heaven's not my home,
then Lord what will i do?
the angels beckon me from heaven's open door
and i can't feel at home in this world anymore.

Testimony

"And Moses said unto the Lord, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue. And the Lord said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say." Exodus 4:10-12 KJV

That promise to Moses was made real to me today.

I gave a testimony tonight at the Rancho Cucamonga revival and by the grace of God, it went really well! At first, I was so unprepared. I had known about this for two weeks, but I didn't start actually preparing until a couple hours before the service. I practiced in front of the mirror, but it didn't go so well. I was stuttering and I thought I didn't make sense. When I got to the place, I was so nervous! Especially when I saw the time breakdown: 15 minutes! Such a long time!

I started added notes to my notecard and marking the verses and the passages I wanted to mention. When the program began, I prayed a couple times. Finally it was my turn. I opened with talking about the black-out at school and how it was so awesome. Then I prayed, and after I tried to find my notecard, but I couldn't find it! So I decided to just try my best and let the Lord bless (haha, that rhymes).

The Lord truly blessed! I got many laughs and I felt so energetic. It wasn't how I usually speak; the Lord was truly speaking through me. After the program, I got many comments on about how funny and great the testimony was and how I was cute up there and everythanng. Haha. But all the glory goes to God! I truly could not have done this without Him! He was seriously the one speaking through me.

Happy Sabbath!

Swamped

It's only the end of the second week of school and already I am so tired!

Don't get me wrong, I really like being busy. It's helping a lot right now. But it's so crazyyyy.

I'm taking less units than last year (last year I was at an overload each quarter!) but I have less free time.

Check it:
Psychology MTRF 9 A.M.
A & P 1 MTRF 10 A.M.
A & P Lab T 3-6 P.M.
Spanish MW 3-4:40 P.M.
Rock Climbing W 8-9:50 A.M.
Organ R 2-3 P.M.
Piano M 2-3 P.M.

and then...
G. Bio Lab TA meetings M 5 P.M.
G. Bio Lab TA W 12-3 P.M.
plus time grading quizzes and notebooks (15)

also...
Bible studies TW 7-9 P.M.

and there are also other responsibilities involving orientation leader and ministry stuff..

It wouldn't be so bad IF I knew how to manage my time wisely. But of course I don't, so my sleeping habits are like how they were last year around second-third quarters.

It also wouldn't be so bad if I actually studied. I'm behind in reading for all classes! And now I'm getting behind in grading for lab. So much for getting straight A's.

I gotta buckle down. I always think and say that but it never actually happens. I should really do something about that.

Happily Never After

...is a movie title I thought appropriate for today. I saw it at Target and the title caught my eye. Apparently, it was also created by the ones who created Shrek and Shrek 2.

The work load keeps building up. By the end of the year, my hair will be streaked with strands of white.

I have no time to wallow (The wallow definition I'm using is from Gilmore Girls).

Life goes on even though I want to take an hour to climb into bed, curl up and cry. This blog itself is taking precious time that I'll never get back. Alas, moving on is a necessity for it's the only way I'll be able to keep on surviving.

Time to discard it all.

I wonder how long it'll take people to realize that my usual answer of a smile and "I'm okay," is all fake.

But no worries. I'm going to be okay.

Organization

It's amazing to me how well I can organize many things, like Bible studies and such, and how it impresses people, like Mike who now has called me "Mike's Little Helper," and yet I can't seem to organize my life.

I cannot seem to organize my thoughts, my time, my rooms, my closet, my desk, etc.

So sad.

It's 1:16 A.M. I need to sleep so I can keep up with Justin or whoever tomorrow on the track.

A Change

I don't know how much good it will be to me in the future. Sometimes I feel like picking up the phone and saying "sorry, I didn't mean to say that.." But I was convicted during a prayer...so maybe I should just let it go. And let go.

I need to keep really busy. Starting now! Tomorrow, I'm going to try to do the CABL run for the whole two months because that's the only time I can work out. Soooo I better get to sleep now!

Anyways. Here's a passage that I came across again in Messages to Young People while trying to look for a quotation about self-denial:

"Trial will come to you. Thus the Lord polishes the roughness from your character. Do not murmur. You make the trial harder by repining. Honor God by cheerful submission. Patiently endure the pressure. Even though a wrong is done you, keep the love of God in the heart. 'Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it. The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and His ears are open unto their cry.'

'Beware of desperate steps; the darkest day, Wait but tomorrow, will have passed away.' 'In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.' Christ knows the strength of your temptations and the strength of your power to resist. His hand is always stretched out in pitying tenderness to every suffering child. To the tempted, discouraged one he says, Child for whom I suffered and died, cannot you trust Me? 'As thy days, so shall thy strength be.'...

'Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.' ...He will be to you as the shadow of a great rock in a weary land. He says, 'Come unto Me,...and I will give you rest'--rest that the world can neither give nor take away....

Words cannot describe the peace and joy possessed by him who takes God at His word. Trials do not disturb him, slights do not vex him. Self is crucified. Day by day duties may become more taxing, his temptations stronger, his trials more severe; but he does not falter; for he receives strength equal to his need."

--Youth's Instructor June 26, 1902

Aloha for Now

hello again to ordinary life
hello to mondays
hello responsibility

goodbye to every single thing i try to hide
bout a day ago, i bid you farewell
well, it's not fair at all

aloha for now
don't you ever think that i won't ever think of you
don't you dare to dream that i won't dare to dream of you
after all, it's just
aloha for now

Ignite 2007

Freshman Orientation was so AWESOME!

GO FRESH MANGOS, GROUP #17!

I am so missing right now.

I could go into more details but really, all I can say is that I loved it and I love being a family group leader! It was the best ever. Not only did I make new memories, but I made new friends.

To my FTW family: Thanks for your prayers this week. It really made a difference and the outcome was truly a blessing.

No bueno

"Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than me." Acts 5:29

Is this applicable to parents?

What if one feels compelled and convicted to do what she or he can to finish the work now, but a parent says "No" or "Not yet?"

Quandary.

My Life Story

Help! - HappySlip

This is exactly the reason why I can't seem to be able to clean my room.

I receive many clothes from my relatives, clothes that I don't even need. And when I try to give them away, my mom says the exact same things that the mom says...

Anxiety

I cannot sleep.

Every few seconds, a new item pops into my head that I need to buy before Friday. Moving in is fun and all, but it's really stressing me out right now. And then I'm thinking of how the room is going to be arranged and who could help me move the furniture if needed. Oh, and then I think about what I'm going to put into those drawers in the closet. I'm really going to miss my walk in closet. I'm also going to miss a brightly lit hallway late at night. Dude, I've been to that hall at night. It's scary. The exit sign flashes and it's like a scene out of a scary movie. That made me think about where I can get a pocket flashlight...

Anyways. Every moment is a blessing, but I truly received a blessing today! I'm such a lazy procrastinator so I was looking if there was a passage from Spirit of Prophecy that addresses that. I didn't find one that especially spoke out to me at the moment, so I left it alone. Then, I opened up my Bible and I recalled James 1:1-15 that I once memorized (*sigh I know the first half still, but I've forgotten the last half). After reading a few chapters, I picked up The Ministry of Healing and read a few things from it. I decided that I should really finish Messages to Young People before I start school, so I started reading it. There, I found a passage that really speaks out to me and it ties the things that I read from (The Ministry of Healing and James 1)all together!

"It is wrong to waste our time, wrong to waste our thoughts. We lose every moment that we devote to self-seeking. If every moment were valued, and rightly employed, we should have time for everything that we need to do for ourselves or for the world. In the expenditure of money, in the use of time, strength, opportunities, let every Christian look to God for guidance. 'If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.' James 1:5"
The Ministry of Healing p. 208

Hands Down

One of the hardest things for me to do is to not take matters into my own hands.

From a couple of messages at SWYC, we were shown how much better it is for us to just follow God's plan for us, no matter how it may seem to us.

Even though I know all these things...I'm still having trouble letting go.

Surprise!

At CFC, we have an afternoon program called Young Life Program or something like that. Well, I had offered to give a report about last week's Southwest Youth Conference to share the blessings I had received and the things that I had learned. It turns out that my report ended up being the inspirational talk! I found out when I was playing with baby Jade and they started passing out programs and Arlene and Irene were sitting behind me and they look at the program and Irene goes, "Oh! Elyssa's speaking today." and I was like, "What?!"

So I had about thirty minutes to prepare for my short talk. I think it lasted maybe five minutes? Ate Myla asked me to end before 2:30 and when Jenny finished her song for special music, it was already 2:20. I was pretty okay with that because I wasn't sure what I wanted to say! But from what I can recall this is what basically happened:

I introduced SWYC and mentioned the different speakers
I introduced the theme: In This Generation and tied it in to the AY Aim: The Advent message to all the world in this generation.
I read 1 Thess. 4:13-18 and emphasized verse 15 "we which are alive and remain...shall not prevent them which are asleep"
I urged the congregation (or fellow...uh...church members as I put it) to think on what they can do to hasten the second coming for we want to see Jesus in this generation.
I think this was my favorite part: I recalled a famous phrase from Kennedy's inaugural speech "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country" and tied that into it by saying, "We shouldn't ask 'When is Jesus coming?' We should ask, 'What can we do to hasten His coming'"

Sounds all great and splendid but I don't think my delivery was that great. I don't think I spoke great English. I was so flustered and nervous up there (ahh! I've forgotten all that I learned in Interpersonal Communications) that I even forgot where 1 Thessalonians is in the Bible. Hah, I'm great. I really don't think I made sense. Even though a few people told me they enjoyed my message (Praise God!), I think I could have presented it better.

Oh well. I thank the Lord that I was able to share that message, even if it didn't make sense...

Changes

After visiting Glendale Academy today, I realized how many changes have happened this past year. Not only to the school, but in my life.

I visited Ms. Gross and I absolutely love her new requirement for her honors students: They must read The Great Controversy by Ellen White and another one of her books. When I found out, I was so thrilled. I wish that took place when I was a Senior. But thinking back on it, I probably wouldn't have liked it.

Pastor Gomez let me borrow Messages to Young People during my Freshman year and I remember opening it up, and after reading the first paragraph, I set it aside because I thought it was boring. But now! I'm in the middle of the book, which I kind of regret because I should be finished with it now!

I've finished Steps to Christ and have read excerpts from The Great Controversy, The Ministry of Healing, and Counsels on Diet and Foods. I've read chapters of Patriarchs and Prophets that go along with my devotion/reading the Bible in a year (except it might end up being: in less than two years) plan, but have yet to open Education. Sorry Jeremy! I will get to it. (He bought me that book from the library's book sale this past year.) It's just amazing to me how now I find these books to be so awesome when just a few years ago, I couldn't read past one page.

I love Ms. Gross's new requirement so when I shared it with Mike and Jenny, they liked it too! But seeing the reactions of some of my friends to it just goes to show how much my mindset has changed from a year ago. If I heard that a year ago, I would have thought, "Poor kids." But now, oh, how I wish I could trade places with them! I find that requirement to be fun! Hehe.

I have wondered quite a few times about what my life would have been like if I had decided to live for God earlier. I wonder how big of a change my past would have been if I had accepted the Truth earlier. I think about the Jr/Sr football game dance routines that I wouldn't have participated in, the Grad Night I wouldn't have attended, the music I wouldn't have listened to, the meat I wouldn't have consumed, the words I wouldn't have said, the feelings I wouldn't have had or would have tried to control, the TV shows and the movies I wouldn't have watched... But even with that, I know that there is a reason why I am convicted now. To say that I wasn't ready sounds a bit weird, but I think must be the truth. There's a concept that we shouldn't share things with others before they're ready because it might make them not as open to it...and I guess that might have happened with me? I'm not sure. But I know God had a reason for not convicting me before and maybe with time, I'll see it. *sigh A concept I must apply to my life now...

Anyways. Just some ramblings as I prepare to sleep and stuff. Happy Sabbath!

Speechless

So I'm a fan of Happy Slip. It's great. I got a comment from one of my friends today who says that he feels sorry for my mom (actually, it's my aunt!) every time there's a new Happy Slip video. This is why:

So I have an aunt named Auntie Baby, just like in the videos. And the faces and the things she does when she talks to me about serious things reminds me of the Auntie Baby in the videos! So I end up kind of laughing at her, but I try not to laugh in front of her, so I drink lots of water as an attempt to contain my laughter. It works most of the time. I'm horrible, huh...

Anyways. Christine has a new video entitled, "Speechless," and it's the greatest. Minnie reminds me of me from just a couple of years ago.

Missing It

I am so missing Southwest Youth Conference (SWYC.) It was held this past Labor Day weekend at Pine Springs Ranch in the San Jacinto Mountains. It was such a blessing! I loved my time there, even though some of the time was busy. Not only did I get to hear amazing speakers, my favorite one was Dr. Samuel Koranteng-Pipim and his message "Are You There?," but I also got to spend time with my family in Christ. Oh, how I love them! They're so hilarious. We had thee best times with the walkie-talkies. Gotta love them! And eating together and making babies cry...haha. That doesn't sound too good, but it was soo accidental! There were midnight Bible studies with Gomez and late late night Scripture songs sessions. But yeah, let's not do that again next year. I'm thinking maybe we should get some sleep so we can be wide awake for the meetings. I loved hanging out with them all and getting to know them better!

*sigh I got some news up there that really bummed me out and has kind of left me in charge of our Bible studies at La Sierra. It's okay, I'm getting better, and I'm really excited for this new leadership role. And now my first task has begun: confirming that David Asscherick is one of the speakers for Spiritual Emphasis Weeks. I've emailed three people now and have yet to find out who the speaker is. I really hope he's one of them! I want him to be a guest presenter for the Bible Studies, either Reason Together or Just Ask! or maybe even both!

Anyways, after talking with the Jeremys last night (they're hilarious, but not when they're all hyper and you're their target to make fun of) I started to think about something. I had said something about ice cream (LOL) that I'm kind of regretting right now. It made me think of these two things:

"The lives of professing Christians who do not live the Christ life are a mockery to religion. Every one whose name is registered on the church roll is under obligation to represent Christ by revealing the inward adorning of a meek and quiet spirit. They are to be His witnesses, making known the advantages of walking and working as Christ has given them example. The truth for this time is to appear in its power in the lives of those who believe it, and is to be imparted to the world. Believers are to represent in their lives, its power to sanctify and ennoble. . . . They are to show forth the power of the grace that Christ died to give men. . . . They are to be men of faith, men of courage, whole-souled men, who, without questioning, trust in God and His promises. . . . {AG 247.3}

There must be no pretense in the lives of those who have so sacred and solemn a message as we have been called to bear. The world is watching Seventh-day Adventists because it knows something of their profession of faith and of their high standard, and when it sees those who do not live up to their profession, it points at them with scorn." {AG 247.4}

"Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin." James 4:17 KJV

Hmm. It just made me think that not only is the world watching Seventh-day Adventists, but we Seventh-day Adventists are watching each other. We look to each other for human encouragement and as a living sermon. By the way we live our lives, we influence those who are also in the church. And so...if you boys are reading this, LOL, never mind what I said about ice cream. Hehe. But seriously. Sorry for those comments. I think my craving just got me, LOL.

Quote of the Day

"Whatever your anxieties and trials, spread out your case before the Lord. Your spirit will be braced for endurance. The way will be open for you to disentangle yourself from embarrassment and difficulty. The weaker and more helpless you know yourself to be, the stronger will you become in His strength. The heavier your burdens, the more blessed the rest in casting them upon your Burden Bearer.

Circumstances may separate friends; the restless waters of the wide sea may roll between us and them. But no circumstances, no distance, can separate us from the Saviour. Wherever we may be, He is at our right hand, to support, maintain, uphold, and cheer. Greater than the love of a mother for her child is Christ's love for His redeemed. It is our privilege to rest in His love, to say, 'I will trust Him; for He gave His life for me.'

Human love may change, but Christ's love knows no change. When we cry to Him for help, His hand is stretched out to save."

Ministry of Healing 72